Gay 'Marriage'

Recently, a podcast of an interview with JD Greer solidified some of my thoughts and convictions on the issue of Gay marriage/union. It wasn't his particular convictions on the matter that changed me so much as his observation on the nature of the problem, namely, that both morality AND justice are at stake. It is easy for us as Christians to zero in on the moral side of homosexuality, 'condemning the sin and loving the sinner', but, typically, what this really translates to is telling homosexuals that they are wrong, shouting something vague about love from a distance, and voting against them in the booth.

This is a wildly inadequate approach, and I don't see marks of the Spirit in it.

So there are two sides to the Church's response the 'Gay' issue: our relationships with the Gay community and individuals, and our voting patterns and public statements with regards to Gay rights.

Relationally, I think that we are functioning off of homophobia, not a Biblically robust understanding of sexuality and compassion. Evidence: gays are present, as openly professing homosexuals, in the churches where the pastors in the pulpit and the people in the pews wipe their derrières with the scriptures and take a weak or non-existent stance against the sin issue of it, and gays are essentially not to be found where passages like 1 Corinthians 6:9 are preached on.. at all... ever. This dichotomy tells me that, in a Church that worships a God who electrified the social and religious atmosphere of his day by keeping intimate fellowship with women who whored their bodies for a living and men who economically raped the households of their community, we've failed to emulate our Christ. The hallmark of the community that Jesus of Nazareth drew to himself was the flabbergasting juxtaposition of idiots and sinners against the Holy character of God incarnate, all breaking bread at the same table.

The table was the touchstone of the ancient world. Who you ate with defined who you approved of and called your own. So does that mean that Christ approved of the sin of the prostitutes and tax-collectors? I'd say that His humiliation, torture, and death for their sins proves otherwise. Unlike us, Christ doesn't overcome sin by downplaying its importance or potency, and, mysteriously, the more He hates their sin, the tighter a social orbit He draws them into. Its almost as though... relationships are a vehicle of reconciliation. Simply telling Gays that they're wrong doesn't seem to be working such wonders for this 'ministry of reconciliation' that God has laid upon our shoulders. So why is it that Gays go to the Episcopalian churches and avoid the Southern Baptist and PCA (Presbyterian Church in America) ones? From my observation and gathering, its because they just don't feel loved there.

Its hard to blame them for drawing that conclusion when we antagonistically and proactively attempt to deny them social justice. Now, I'm sure I lost a few of you there. If you will do me a favor, keep reading.

There is no direct advice on how to be a godly member of a republic in the Bible. It commands us to respect authority, yield to Caesar, and live holy lives. But what if I am 1/260 millionth OF Caesar? Do I use my vote to attempt to restrict everything I don't like or agree with? Or, do I use my vote to attempt to make the country that I live in as minimally governmentally involved as possible while still remaining safe? I think that that is a matter of faith, and to draw a hard line here would be foolishness. Clearly, there is room for godly disagreement, and I'm sure this is where I lost a few more of you. Personally, I will always use my vote to protect unborn life, but I really question whether the church should use it to keep Gay people from receiving the legal and economic benefits and privileges of committed union.

Now, what word do we use... marriage, partnership, union? As you may have noticed, I have consistently used the word union. I believe that marriage is an actual institution that exists outside of humanity. Yes, you read that rightly.. outside of humanity. As one who believes in a creator who invested His character into His creation, I believe that when we participate in marriage, we act out a living image of His love, between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and that disfiguring that living image is a very, very bad idea. Having read the scriptures with an eye to this, I would say that God gets less angry about sin than the act of keeping other people from receiving His love. I've read the Old Testament, and I will agree that God is sometimes wrathful therein. What I would like to point out, though, is that the times that He really brings the heat, are the times when oppression and injustice have become normative, and those with power are preventing the weak or ignorant from receiving knowledge of God's love or compassion. This notion that God is simply angry and wrathful is, in my opinion, only capable of being held if one has made his or her reading of the Biblical narrative a cursory one. Try being God, telling people to act out and manifest Your tenderness, purity, and fidelity of affection by marrying one person and being tender, pure, and faithful to that one spouse, and then watch them have violent incessant orgies in the middle of your temple... see how long you can stomach it. We curse and flip the bird to the people who cut us off in the carpool lane. Israel committed national rape, murder, disenfranchisement, idolatry, heresy, and blasphemy... and God said, "Please stop! I love you and don't want this for you. Its breaking my heart and making me angry." Somehow when people describe God as 'wrathful', they skim over this part of the story.

So, that is my reasoning for treating the word 'marriage' with sanctity. It belongs to someone much bigger, holier, and more powerful than me. Do I get bent out of shape when people say the words gay and marriage together? Not so much, because the world uses a lot of words differently than me, and I don't think God has called me to pick a fight over every way in which people who don't love Him misrepresent Him. I'm responsible for MY representation of Him, not the world's. The Holy Spirit doesn't run through my heart with a mallet playing whack-a-mole with my sin. He shows me how wide, how deep, how vast is my savior's love for me, that He would steal my sin away from me, while I still hated Him, and pay for it. "Don't you know that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance?" Romans 2:4

Similarly, I don't try to play whack-a-mole with the world's behavior. I eliminate suffering and injustice when and where I see it, but I don't run around with signs informing gay people (from a safe and cowardly distance) that they are damned. I've told countless individuals (gay and straight) about my rigid and heartfelt disapproval of homosexual activity and explained my reasons for it from scripture and from my own relationship with God, but only ever in the context of a respectful relationship that creates safety and trust. When someone knows that you love them, it radically changes the way that they perceive your disagreement. If you know that I love you and then shove you off of a path in the woods, you'd probably think I was saving you from a snake. Problem: we've done a whole lot of shoving without the context of any real relationship. Some folks will call this defending the truth, and gays will call it being oppressed. Being misunderstood isn't the real issue, though; loving homosexuals as Christ loves them is the issue.

For my part, the next time I see a gay rights rally, I intend to join the gays and hold a sign that says something along the lines of "Jesus died for Gay people too." In the mean time, I just wonder if the Church is really advancing the Gospel by telling gays that their commitment to each other is utterly and completely invalid. It violates Christian doctrines, it goes against the model of perfect sexuality that the Bible puts forth, but do the homosexuals in your life know that you disagree with them because you want MORE for them, not because you view them as an abomination? I remember the first time I explained that I was against homosexuality to a gay person not because it was 'the wrong thing' so much as because it was getting between them and God, and because I believed that sexuality belonged to God and He had some important things to say about it. They were dumbfounded. They had been hurt by some blindly hateful Christians who spewed their opinion rather liberally and unkindly, and that had left this particular person very hurt. I was the first Christian to really explain that there was compassion and a desire for reconciliation behind God's disapproval of their sexual decisions.

What will the church do about the Gay community's desire for respect and equality? Will we use our American democratic power to vote down gay union and attempt to enact Christian doctrines through a secular institution, the law, or will we use our voice to affirm the basic human dignities and rights of gay people, even though they choose to do things with those rights that we disagree with? Jesus told us to render unto Caesar, what is due to Caesar. Might I point out that the Roman government was responsible for some truly monstrous offenses against God? State sanctioned murder, idolatry, and human rights violations only scratch the surface. Cooperation with a pagan government and demonstrating respect towards those who behave against our own moral code is not a violation of the faith. Consequently, we can try to 'fix' the gay problem by trying to stop them from getting tax breaks, which, I would like to point out is a wildly ineffective strategy, or, we can cross the border and address the homophobia within the church that governs all public relations with the Gay community.

My question is, Church, don't you know that it is God's loving kindness that leads us to repentance? Or did you not require the same forgiveness to enter the fold?

So, where's the love?

When beliefs collide

I looked up the term cognitive dissonance on Wikipedia just now. It had been rolling around in my head for a couple of days, and even though I knew generally what it means, I wanted to get a solid definition:

"Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling or stress caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a fundamental cognitive drive to reduce this dissonance by modifying an existing belief, or rejecting one of the contradictory ideas." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance)

So why is that on my mind? Because someone has been on my mind. Someone whom I care about very much, whose beliefs have come to collide with my own. Whenever that happens I get a queasy, disconcerted feeling. I want to weep and despair at the gap between us, or to bend reality to bring that person into alignment with me. I want to change the rules so that we can both play on without being disqualified, but that's just the point.. I'm not writing the rules and its not my game. It's not a game at all. This is life, reality, God's world, and we are His workmanship in Christ. In Christ. If I believe that that one reality is central and defining to the rest of my reality, then there is no bending the rules. You are either in or out, alive or dead, forgiven or an enemy of God. Cognitive dissonance occurs when we do not care to hold on to two irreconcilable realities. One of my greatest fears is that I or someone I care about will succumb to the pressure to resolve a matter of great importance by choosing the option that brings the least anxiety. I have seen many many people who believe that God rewards 'goodness' with 'acceptance.' When pressed, the notion seems to rest on the central belief that God is not really exacting in His standards or threatening in His potential judgment. The idea that He could be a God who is demanding because of His holiness and character is just too scary, and so is refused access as an abiding concept. Cognitive dissonance avoided. Of course, I do it too. Even though I have experienced a small taste of the terribleness of God's glory, I avoid living immersed in that context. Its like staring at the sun. Sure you did it once when you were on a field trip in the fourth grade to see the eclipse, even though your teacher said it could blind you if you did... that doesn't mean you stare at it ever day. You would be blind. God's presence is like that. Being around Him, near Him, His exposure is something we think we want. In reality, it would scour us away. It would make us beg to be destroyed so that we might not taint the revelation of His beauty. We would plead with Him to cast us into Hell in light of the corruption we bring. This notion that God owes us a break or a little slack because its so hard to be good is a notion entirely devoid of any real experience of God. It has only our pleasure in mind and not the reality of a Holy God. So, cognitive dissonance rules pop spirituality in America these days. Not a popular accusation to make, but I believe a true one. The question is, how much friendship will it cost me when I attempt to wake the dead. How much do they love their slumber?